Have you ever looked back at something you said, did, or wrote and thought to yourself, “Boy, was I ever naive!”and just shook your head and laughed? This is something that happened to me recently; and thankfully, it is something that I can not only laugh about but even be grateful for. I was going through one of my journals from ten years ago. At this time in my life, I was in a very unhealthy relationship and home life for me and my children was very stressful. Walking a day in my shoes was not something I would have wished for anyone. Although the relationships I had established with my church family were a great source of strength to me, I had stopped attending church because it was only causing more conflict in my relationship and I was desperately trying to do whatever I could to lessen the stress and tension in our home. Even though I was not actively attending church, I was still spending time with the Lord, in worship, journaling, praying, and seeking His face in light of the circumstances in my life. There was a couple I had met online who had adopted me into their home group. Though it was not the same as being with fellow Christians in person, I was happy to be included in the fellowship. Their group had reached out to me and began praying for God to give me wisdom and direction in regards to my home life situation. On this particular day they had a word for me that they saw me as a warrior. In my journal I had wrote about how just the day before I was sensing the same thing, so for me this was a confirming word. And I was so excited about it, that I wrote the following at the end of that journal entry: “Show me the way to warrior boot camp!” Now I bet a lot of you are giggling right now. It's okay, I did too. Oh how naive I was to declare such a thing – in writing at that! At the time I really didn't have a good grasp on the power that our words hold. If I had, I probably would not have written that down! During the next couple of years that followed, I was definitely in a warrior boot camp. In retrospect, this was not a bad thing. I was afterall, already living in a war zone of sorts. The problem was, I didn't really know how to spiritually overcome what I was up against. I was simply in survival mode and that was not how God intended me to live. I learned many things during that time. Prayer on new levels, worshiping in the midst of the storm, reading the Word, I listened to many sermons and teachings, and even did some fasting. These were all areas I was familiar with, but never truly devoted myself to them to a point where it was truly what I lived and thrived on. It turned out that not going to church at the time was a blessing as well. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying God intended for us to go it alone, and that you should not be a part of the local church body that God plants you in. We are to be planted in a church because God created us to be in fellowship with one another in order for the Body of Christ to function properly. But for me, before I left my church, I relied too heavily on others to teach me, pray for me, and give me direction. Through this period of being away from church, I had no choice but to truly let the Holy Spirit lead and guide me and I had to really press in to learn how to truly hear from the Lord and block out my own thoughts. This brought me into alignment with how my relationship with the Lord was meant to be. He was to be my source - not my pastors or mentors. My pastors and mentors were meant to be there for guidance and wisdom, but ultimately I had to be the one who sought the Lord. I was actually a bit deceived in thinking I had a good relationship with the Lord. A relationship built on brief encounters and what others tell you of their experiences with the Lord, is really not a relationship at all - all you really have is an acquaintance. Being a warrior required me to have intimate relationship with the Lord, and let me tell you, there is nothing better! I am so grateful that God was willing to take my naive statement as an invitation to an intimate relationship that would equip me to take on every trial I will ever face. As I sit here seven years later I can see how far I have come. While I definitely prefer times of peace over battle, I am learning to embrace the title of warrior, and with that comes a sense of peace because I know I will overcome. I know I will be victorious even when it appears that defeat is eminent, because I do not battle alone, I battle with the one who has overcome it all and has the victory – JESUS. Copyright 2017 Christine Edwards
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