Faithful & True. This was my new name coming away from a women's encounter a little over a year ago. It was part of an activity where we prayed and reflected on the things the Lord wanted us to depart from - bondage, sin, wounds, unforgiveness, or anything else the Lord quickened us to. We were then to go to the wooden cross they had laying on the floor, pick up a hammer and pound a nail into the cross. Upon finishing this we were to pick up one of the cards that were scattered on the floor laying face down and that was to be our new name that we would be walking away from this encounter with. Mine was Faithful & True. It struck a cord with me as I had not always been like that in my relationship with the Lord, or my relationships with others, but I knew without a doubt that this was something that had been transformed in my life and I could honestly take hold of that new name. It wasn't something I had to aspire to or grow into, it was already what I had become. In the spring of this year the Lord began to bring revelation to many issues within my heart due to false teachings, perceptions and thought processes that have dominated my life since early childhood. It was clear that these things needed to be removed and replaced with the truth of God's Word. Necessary and good - YES, but the process of going through this has been anything but pleasant. It has rocked me to the core because the foundation which I was standing upon was riddled with cracks and would surely crumble if anything else was build upon it. So the Lord began a demolition process to set things in proper order in my life, which will ultimately also set me free from areas of bondage that I never knew were there. Before this process began I was feeling pretty good about life. I felt close to the Lord, I had conversations with Him, He frequently gave me dreams, I would reach out to encourage others and pray for them, and I felt I was growing in my relationship with the Lord. But then all of that changed. I began questioning everything I ever stood on and believed in and even if I truly knew how to hear from the Lord. Spiritually and emotionally I felt like a complete mess. But more than anything I have questioned God. Why when I need Him desperately has He been so quiet and felt so distant? I have felt so empty and numb, not for days or weeks but for months now. In this wilderness of silence and desperation to hear God's voice and feel His presence, this statement of whom I had become, Faithful & True, has been greatly tested. As I write this I am by no means out of this wilderness experience. I'm still walking one day at a time, praying that this will all be over soon, and all that was intended with this wilderness experience will have been accomplished. I have battled with throwing my hands up and giving up because of the emptiness and numbness I feel, but I can't. I will continue to seek His face and let Him complete this work He is doing, because deep down I know that the only thing that will fill this void and establish a solid foundation in my life is Jesus and a true realization of His love and acceptance of me. So I have continued to do what I know to do despite the numbness I feel. I still go to church, read my Bible, pray, and seek out Biblical teachings for the areas of my life that need transformation. I do this with the hope that one day soon my feet will step out of the wilderness into lush gardens. A few weeks ago my pastor was praying over me and he had one thing to tell me from the Lord. He called me 'Faithful One'. That has given me some much needed encouragement as I have not felt especially faithful through this process because I have felt so numb and empty. However, faithful is not defined by a feeling. In fact, Websters dictionary defines faithful as "having or showing true and constant support or loyalty." Faithful is not an emotion but something determined by our actions. So despite how I am feeling and all the emotions that have played their part in this season of my life I will continue on, because I still believe in Him and I know this season is for my benefit even though it doesn't feel like it most of the time. Luke 16:10 tells us that "He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much..." Our faithfulness needs to be tested with the least before we are given the opportunity to be faithful with the much. I went into this season being Faithful & True and I will come out of it remaining Faithful & True, but faithful to a greater level because it has been tested. Copyright 2016 Christine Edwards
4 Comments
Shirley
12/1/2016 02:17:48 pm
Hi Christine, I enjoyed reading this message today. I had no idea you were struggling. It's easy to assume everything is okay with others that are God's children. It also helps to know that we are not alone in feeling this way. It's hard to admit. Thank you for sharing. I know there must be a purpose for me being here, but I don't know what that is. Like you, sometimes I do feel empty, desolate , and I know I do not spend time with God like I need to. God has been so good to me. Pray for me and I will pray for you to reach that place you are seeking. Love you, tell Delbert I love him. Have a blessed day
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Christine
12/7/2016 05:41:49 am
Thank you for your sharing your thoughts. Thankfully God is full of love, mercy and grace that never runs out for each one of us. I will certainly be praying for you and pass your love on to Delbert as well. Love you!
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10/9/2022 04:05:48 am
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